Q: Who are the factions in the Russian Coup attempt?
A: This is a battle between the Russian government and a paramilitary group led by that one guy from Breaking Bad.
Q: Which faction is most likely to cancel student loan debt for middle-income Americans?
A: Neither, unfortunately.
Q: Who should we cheer for?
A: Shohei Ohtani is always a safe bet.
Q: What is Joe Biden's Plan?
A: I've been sworn to secrecy but it involves advisement on a Ukrainian tactical offensive and, somehow, ice cream.
Q: Will the U.S. help Putin escape the country if he needs to?
A: The U.S. has offered Russia 10 of OceanGates most malfunctioning submarines if an escape is necessary.
“Pretending to care about human rights violations as a negotiating tactic was incredibly stressful and I’m glad we can move on to making ungodly sums of money together.”
Q: Who's to blame for this mess?
A: This all started with just a few Ukrainian Nazis from one of Vladimir Putin's syphilitic fever dreams
Q: What is Donald Trump's plan?
A: Text "CONFIDENTIAL MILITARY PLANS" to 88022 along with a one-time payment of $99 to receive an exclusive Operational Strategy NFT and find out for yourself!
