APPLEBEES, MIAMI — While chatting about your respective hometowns and why the weather/activities in your current city is far superior to it, the woman you are on a date with definitely received a notification from a man she’s currently having sex with and will sleep with again as soon as this dinner is over. The speed at which she grabbed her phone, the nearly imperceptible smile that broke across her lips as she read and quickly typed back worked together to betray the lustful romance she’s concealing in order to not make the date any more awkward than it is. According to internal sources, despite her lips moving and answering your interview-like questions, her mind is currently 2.3 miles away in her bed with the dashing, devil-may-care man she met at a nightclub several weeks ago, and the only reason she isn’t there now is because the man is currently sexing another one of his many, many girls and she simply needs to wait her turn.
Once the check came and you confronted her about being a libidinous whore, she showed you a video her friend sent of the cat nesting chicken eggs, and then informed you about the several emotional issues you displayed during your date. All of which need to be taken care of before you can even consider bringing another person into your life.
However, after several hours to ruminate on the events of the night, you realized that she was just gaslighting you and it’s actually everyone else who needs to grow up. You’re doing just fine.
