If you think being swept out of the postseason was enough for the media to stop postulating about the Laker’s chances to win the title, then you have not been paying attention.
Despite losing their playoff series and half the team being several margaritas deep in Cabo San Lucas, ESPN still thinks the Lakers have a shot to win it all.
After the Lakers embarrassing 0-4 series loss to the Denver Nuggets it seemed as though their season was done and ESPN would quickly run out of ways to bring them up in regards to the 2023 playoff run. The sports broadcasting giant could have accepted defeat and focused on segments about the teams that remain, but, instead, they put on some coffee and started making calls to nerds around the globe in hopes of generating more postseason buzz for the league’s greatest franchise.
“We basically had to design a supercomputer from scratch,” ESPN President, James Pitaro said, “factoring in some highly implausible theoretical physics which includes both time travel and the Lakers shooting over 38% from three. So it’s safe to say this is an unlikely scenario, but we can confirm that it’s possible.
Pitaro then invited one of the nerds on stage to explain exactly how this team could still pull it off.
“If we live in a multiverse, then there are an infinite number of universes where every eventuality is playing out on its own plane of existence. This means that somewhere there is a DC Universe universe where Superman has the ability to fly around the earth in a counter-clockwise direction and, obviously, reverse the flow of time to the start of the Western Conference Finals. After that, it would just be a matter of the Lakers hitting a couple fucking threes and finding a person remotely capable of guarding Jamal Murray.
So, instead of being wholly eliminated, the Lakers now have 1×10^14-to-1 odds to win their 18th NBA Championship. Odds so steep that betting just a single penny on it could make you the first trillionaire while simultaneously crashing the global economy, rendering your earnings meaningless.
“It’s a great bet” the nerd added, “I put in a dollar after Vegas worked this into their books.”
When reached for comment, LeBron James said he always knew they still had a shot because of the whole physics theory thing and then opened the Stephen Hawking classic “A Brief History of Time” which reporters noticed was dog-eared on the very first page.
